


The Seduction of Jared Dunn

by SexuallyMonsterous (Alli_Bialystock)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 07:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4091575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alli_Bialystock/pseuds/SexuallyMonsterous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard is determined to dress sexy enough for Jared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Seduction of Jared Dunn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dftba99](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dftba99), [GlitterDwarf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterDwarf/gifts), [InsanityRule](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/gifts).



> A/N: Hoooo man do I hope this doesn't suck. I tend to hit a writing slump when the semester ends, so if this is terrible I hope you don't just me too harshly for it. It was just too cute an idea to resist.
> 
> Huge thank you to dftba99 for the prompt, GlitterDwarf for the encouragement, and InsanityRule for ever so sweetly sharing the prompt with me (I feel quite honored :) ).
> 
> Let me know what y'all think!

Richard has watched a lot of romance movies. Mostly in private, and mostly dramas (romantic comedies always reminded him that even these totally inept douchebags could muddle their way through a date when he couldn’t), but he had watched a lot of them. He knew what sexy people looked like and how they moved and talked.

He just hadn’t done it himself. 

He had spent the entire day psyching himself up to finally tell Jared that he had feelings for him, so he needed to figure out how to be sexy by seven o’clock, when Jared would get home and the house would, thankfully, be empty. Richard figured he had a good handle on what sexy looked like – he had watched a lot of Richard Gere movies – but he needed to figure out how to translate that to himself.

And it would start with clothes. If he looked the part, he figured, maybe he’d be able to act it when the time finally came. 

All of his good white button-up shirts were either dirty or stained (mostly with sweat or vomit). He tried digging through Dinesh’s and Gilfoyle’s closets to no avail, and he couldn’t bring himself to borrow one of Jared’s shirts to seduce him in. Reluctantly, he scrounged through Erlich’s shirts and found a surprisingly sophisticated and well-made button-up. He hurried back to his room, stripping off his old hoodie and T-shirt and slipping into Erlich’s. He buttoned it up about halfway, reminding himself that Richard Gere was always much sexier when he looked a little “devil may care” and deciding that he really, really didn’t want to borrow anything else from any of his housemates. He surveyed himself in the mirror.

This proved to be a massive mistake.

“Oh God,” Richard murmured, unable to contain his disgust at his own reflection. What made Richard Gere look devil-may-care made Richard look like a three-year-old pretending to be in a Bee Gee’s video. Erlich, Richard remembered too late, was significantly larger than Richard, both in height and weight, and it really showed. The cuffs of the shirt hung to Richard’s fingertips, and the hem fell so far down his thighs that most schools would probably consider it an appropriate skirt length for a sixteen-year-old girl. Having the top few buttons open just made him look like he hadn’t quite mastered dressing himself. It didn’t help that he was still wearing his faded, tattered jeans below it all.

Just as he was about to shrug out of the shirt, he heard a knock on the open door’s frame. “Excuse me, Richard?”

Heart sinking, Richard turned to see Jared standing in the doorway, looking confused. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something,” Jared continued. “I got back from my meeting a bit early and I was wondering if you wanted to discuss some of the details of it before the other guys get back tonight.”

“Oh.” Richard looked at the clock. 6:30?! He was supposed to have a whole half hour left to prepare! What the fuck was he supposed to do? “Uh, s-sure.” In a moment of inspiration, Richard put a hand in his pocket and leaned the other against his desk, cocking his leg and hoping to look effortlessly cool and aloof. “What, uh, what did you want to talk about?” 

Instead of looking profoundly aroused, Jared frowned. “Richard, are you feeling alright? You seem to be sweating quite a bit.”

“What? No, I’m fine.” Richard forced a smile, but that disappeared as soon as his hand (indeed absolutely soaked with sweat), skidded across the slick surface of his desk, bringing him down with it. He would wake up later on the couch with an ice pack, a bump on his head, an extremely worried Jared telling him he couldn’t sleep for six hours, and a sudden and intense loathing for Richard Gere.

The next week, Richard decided he had to change up his game. There were other kinds of sexy, after all. Jared was around men in nice suits all the time – maybe that wasn’t the way to go to impress him. Maybe to get to him, he’d have to go completely the other way.

Richard vividly remembered the crushes he developed on Matthew Lillard in Hackers and Sid Vicious on his older sister’s posters as a kid. Maybe the unexpectedness of that kind of sexy would appeal to Jared the same way it did to Richard.

Too embarrassed to dig through Gilfoyle’s clothes (and uncomfortable with the idea that Jared might recognize them as Gilfoyle’s), Richard went to the mall, checking over his shoulder and pretending that he was walking into Hot Topic by coincidence. After he spent half an hour wandering around the store, the girl behind the counter took pity on him. Somehow, he managed to stammer out the words “sexy punk, please” and left with black skinny jeans, a Ramones shirt, a leather vest, eyeliner, and some buttons (in spite of the girl’s increasingly frustrated disagreements, Richard had been drawn to the Green Lantern and Watchmen buttons). Back at home, after searching through tutorial videos on YouTube, Richard managed to apply thick, smoky lines of eyeliner. After roughly fifteen minutes of laying on his back and scissor-kicking, he managed to get the skinny jeans on, and he had just barely managed to throw on the shirt and vest before he heard Jared walk through the front door. 

“Richard? Are you here?”

“Y-Yeah!” Richard took a deep breath and, in his best imitation of a sexy saunter, made his way out to the kitchen. “You… want me for something?” 

This line may have sounded sexier if his voice wasn’t shaking so hard. 

“Yeah. I was going over the proposal for…” Jared turned around and stopped, his round eyes widening. “Uhhh. Are you… trying out a new look?”

“Yeah. I just thought it might be time for a change.” Richard leaned his back against the doorframe, planting his foot on the wall behind him (with some significant difficulty due to the oppressive tightness of his pants). “What do you think?”

“Well, it certainly is a change.” Jared’s eyes flickered around Richard. He reminded Richard of the times that he had spent trying to look anywhere but at a naked Erlich emerging from the bathroom after a shower. Richard glanced down, worried that his fly was open and relieved to see that it wasn’t.

What can I do to be sexier? In a burst of inspiration, Richard raised an arm over his head, remembering seeing women in strip clubs doing this. He felt his shirt ride up slightly, revealing a sliver of pale stomach, and almost inwardly cheered. Once his arm was there, though, he wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it. His fingers crawled towards his crotch. His fingers began to slip on the button of his jeans as he tried to undo them. Any kind of movement hurt – the waistband was rough and dug into his skin as he tugged at the brass button. “Do you – ow – do you like it?” 

At this point, Jared was staring resolutely at the ceiling. “Yeah,” he said, voice strangled. “It’s nice. Um. Very nice.” His gaze dropped to the table, where he grabbed a stack of papers and shuffled them. “Actually, I’m sorry, Richard, but I just remembered some very urgent emails that I need to send. I should probably go do that.” With his eyes on the floor, Jared squeezed – bending as far away from Richard as possible – through the door and scurried into the work room.

Richard sighed and looked down at himself. It would take another forty minutes to get those Goddamn skinny jeans off and toss them in the back of his closet to hide his shame. 

Two weeks after his “sexy punk” incident, Richard wandered around his bedroom in the middle of the night, fists shoved in his hair. 

'What the fuck am I gonna do?' he wondered. 'I can’t fucking stand this anymore. I can’t deal with being around him and not telling him. He’s just always right there…' 

Richard kicked the corner of his desk. “Fuck!” He couldn’t do this anymore. He’d been trying to plan the perfect way to tell Jared how he felt, but it just wasn’t working. He constantly fucked it up. He just…

He just wasn’t very sexy. 

There was nothing he could possibly do to make himself more attractive.

The thought was strangely freeing.

Still in his boxers, Richard grabbed his hoodie off of his bed and threw the door open. Not even bothering to put on his shoes, he jogged through Erlich’s front yard, around the fence, and up to Noah’s shed. Without even stopping to acknowledge the insanity of his plan, he began pounding on the door.

A light flickered on in the window. The door opened to reveal Jared, sleepy-eyed and messy-haired in a T-shirt and pajama pants. “Richard?” Jared rubbed at his eyes. “Is everything okay? Is there some sort of emergency?”

“No. Yes. Kinda.” Richard bounced on the balls of his feet. “There’s something I really really need to tell you, okay? And I need you to just listen and not say anything until I’m done.”

Jared frowned. “Alright. What is it?” Richard noticed that Jared’s eyes drifted down to his chest. He wrapped his hoodie tightly around himself, concealing his naked torso.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks that I, um, I think you’re really great,” Richard began. Jared beamed. 

“Thank you, Richard. I think you’re really great, too.”

“Not like that,” Richard said, and Jared frowned. “I mean, I feel like you mean it in a different way, you know? Like a work way? And that’s not what I’m trying to say. I mean that I just think you’re a really great person. You’re smart and you’re dedicated and you’re probably the most thoughtful person I’ve ever met. I’m – I’m in awe of you, Jared.”

The taller man looked down at his feet, trying to conceal his enormous grin. He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Thank you. That’s very kind of you.”

“It’s not kind, it’s just true.” Richard went silent. He knew that Jared didn’t get it, didn’t see what he was trying to say, but he was starting to sweat in spite of the cool night air and his vision was becoming clouded by bright splotches of white. He started to seriously doubt whether or not he could keep himself from vomiting, much less actually come right out and tell Jared the truth.

The two stood in silence. Richard’s bouncing became more pronounced. He stuffed his hands into his hoodie pockets, forgetting his chest beneath it was still bare. He didn’t noticed Jared’s migrating gaze.

“I love you.”

The words came out so suddenly that, for a second, Richard wondered who had said them. It was with an awful, sinking, crashing feeling in his stomach that he realized it had been him.

“I’m sorry.” To make matters worse, Richard could feel his eyes beginning to sting and his vision beginning to blur. Oh my God, please don’t let me cry right now. “But I meant it. Mean it. I love you. You’re so incredible and you’ve done so much for me and I’ve been trying to think of how to tell you this for weeks, and I tried to seduce you but then I knocked myself out and then I freaked you out because I dressed like a My Chemical Romance fan, but I was just hoping that, maybe, if I dressed right you would be convinced. But why would you? I mean,” Richard huffed out a shaky laugh, “look at me. I’m a nobody, why would you want to sleep with me? You could have anybody.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Richard shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “No, it’s true. It really is. You’re so tall and handsome and you’ve got those amazing blue eyes, and your hands are so big and delicate all at once, and you’re just like this, I don’t know, like some sexy elven king from D&D, which oh my God is literally the worst comparison I could possibly –“ 

Richard never got to finish that sentence.

He felt lips, soft and surprisingly full, pressing against his, and a cool, dry hand cupping his cheek. Jared tasted lightly of peppermint and chamomile, and somehow just his very touch settled Richard’s summersaulting stomach. Richard let out an involuntary whimper that he hoped sounded manlier out loud than it did in his head.

When Jared pulled back, he was wearing an expression Richard had never seen before (or dared to dream he would ever see) – those gorgeous sky blue eyes were heavy-lidded and filled with lust. “I love you too,” he murmured. “If I had known you felt… but I never would have guessed… Richard, you are perfect. Absolutely perfect. You never had to do anything to show me that.” 

He leaned down, pressing a line of kisses to Richard’s throat. Richard felt Jared smile against his skin as he shuddered. 

“And by the way,” Jared whispered, kissing just below Richard’s ear, “you’ve never looked sexier than you do right now.”

That night, Richard found out exactly what he should wear to seduce Jared Dunn: his heart on his sleeve and very little else.


End file.
